Friends

Friends have been on my mind lately, namely Abby's friends. Abby is the quintessential people person and her friends are incredibly important to her. She loves playing with other kids and takes every opportunity to do so. We have a core group of friends that Abby has grown up with and I have so enjoyed seeing them play together throughout the years. Even when they fight with each other, I find myself smiling because these friends are the closest things to siblings she has.

In the last year I've noticed something though. The crazy kid parties of the past have gotten a bit quieter as the kids' interest shifts from things like dolls and dress-up to video games and friendship bracelets. All of the kids are getting older and more mature, and I love to watch that as well. The thing is, Abby is still very much interested in those dolls and ball gowns. Earlier this week I was feeling a bit down thinking about how there may come a day when Abby's friends' interests have gone beyond her own, and that day may be sooner, rather than later. My fear was that her friends would leave Abby behind in their race to grow up. Then a couple of things happened, and both had to do with dance.

Since September we've had Abby in a tap/jazz class. To say that she loves it is a bit of an understatement. She will wake up on a Monday and ask right away, "Dance today?", and I have to tell her that it isn't for another couple of days. It has never been a problem to get her moving on "Dance Day", unless it's to get her going once class is over and we have to go home. The tights, leotard, shoes, and music are right up her ally. She also loves to go see "her girls" - the term she uses for the other girls in the class. When she started the class she didn't know any of them, and they didn't know her. Those wonderful girls embraced her wholeheartedly and welcomed Abby into their dance crew beautifully. They encourage her, they miss her when she isn't there, pray for her when she's sick, and  they help her stay focused when she lets the music move her a bit too enthusiastically. That class is wonderful.

Wednesday was Abby's last class until Fall and I was sad to hear that some of the girls from the class would be moving on to the more advanced class next year. I think that the office manager of the studio could see my disappointment because she laughed and said, "Abby will do great! It won't be a problem for her to be with new girls. You know, because she has such a hard time making friends." The last bit was heavy with sarcasm and had me laughing too, because making friends has never been one of Abby's struggles. This thought stayed with me this week and was driven home more poignantly today.

Today we had dress rehearsal for tomorrow's dance recital. Abby was thrilled to be able to get her costume on, but even more so that Mom was letting her wear eyeshadow and lipstick! As soon as we walked through the door of the auditorium I heard a voice call out, "Abby!" I looked up to see a beautiful ballerina trotting toward us in order to give Abby a big hug. Abby was then quickly surrounded by about four other girls who were waiting in a line to practice their dance. You see, some of the girls in Abby's class also take ballet and they were so happy to see her that they made a point to greet her. Abby was thrilled to see them as well and couldn't take her eyes off the yards of blue tulle that floated around them. My heart swelled as we went to find a seat and watch her friends dance.

I continued to watch Abby as she ooh'd and ahh'd over all of the costumes and girls that walked around the auditorium. She told people how beautiful they looked and I watched the girls and their mothers stop and revel in her praise. Eventually, she made her way to the front row of seats and clapped and cheered loudly as each class finished their dances. After her turn on the stage she took time to photo bomb a few pictures of a group of older girls she'd never met. It was those same girls that moments later involved Abby in a game of Ring Around the Rosie - a game that I suppose was purely for Abby's benefit. They did get a bit concerned when she followed them to the wings of the stage, but I assured them that I wouldn't let her join them on stage.

Today drove home the fact that I have no need to worry about Abby not having friends. She has some pretty spectacular friends already, but she also has an amazing ability to draw people to her. Abby will never be without friends because she genuinely loves people, and others see and respond to that. Once again Abby proved to me that my worries are needless. It isn't the first time....and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Rather confident, wouldn't you say?

Jazz hands!!

Abby loves tying shoes. She is still learning how, but she likes to
be helpful too. One nice girl in her class let Abby "start" tying her
shoes today. Have I mentioned how much I love that group of girls?

Mom's Learning Curve

Abby has a wonderful temperament. She is as sweet and loving as they come...she is also stubborn and independent. We often hear glowing reports from her teachers about how she has such a positive influence on the other students and how she is an absolute "angel". I agree, she is a pretty spectacular kid, but lately we've been seeing less and less of that "angel" at home. Instead, we've been getting the demanding general who seems bent on perfecting her tantrum throwing abilities. She always redeemed herself by bedtime, but the path to get to that point has been rather rocky.

We began asking questions like, What is going on with her? and Could it be hormones? It was one question that Jason asked though, that really got me thinking - Are we too hard on her? I mentally reviewed our days and was convicted. I was spending far too much time and energy bossing that poor kid around. I could hear myself saying things like:

• Abby, you can show me the dance in an minute. Come here so we can wash your hands.
• Abby, it's time to come inside, you need to eat.
• We need to do your finger poke, come and sit down.
• Abby, no...
• Abby, stop...
• Abby, come here!

I'd become a horrible nag. Frankly, I couldn't blame her for being incredibly angry and frustrated. Now I wasn't "on" her all the time, we really do have great fun around here, but the fact of the matter was, I wasn't giving her the room she needed to feel independent and valued. I spend my days managing a classroom of kids and Abby had become one more for me to manage. 

So, the last two days I've been experimenting. Instead of barking out orders I've backed off and given her choices. I've replaced commands with phrases like:

• Abby, let me know when you are ready to wash your hands.
• How about we come outside after dinner to play?
• Let me know when you are ready for your finger poke.
• I'm going to head upstairs, you are welcome to come up too.
• Hey Abby? Could you help me....?

Let me tell you how the last two days have gone: 

• We've had no tantrums or tears. 
• Abby has not fought coming in the house after school, getting her hands washed, going potty, or getting a bath - all tasks that routinely would spark arguments. 
• Abby has cleaned up her toys (without prompting), took the time to straighten ups things around the living room, and helped me empty the dishwasher - all with a smile on her face. 
• There's been no yelling, frustration, or stress. 
• There has been more laughing, fun, and smiles. 
• And most importantly, I've seen with new eyes what a lovely young lady Abby is becoming. 

I'd spent so much time and energy trying to figure out what Abby's problem was, that I failed to see that I should have been looking a bit closer to home. It is hard for this mom to give up control, but I'm looking forward to a summer of practicing turing over more and more responsibility to Abby and watching her rise to the challenge - because, as you know, she's pretty spectacular.

Are you surprised she picked out these sunglasses?
Me neither.

I love her smiling eyes.

Determined. Nothing will hold her back.

Lovely.

An Anniversary

As with everyone I have certain days that are etched in my mind...the day we got married, Abby's birthday, the day we finally got to bring Abby home...these are all important anniversaries that we celebrate. They mark wonderful things. They mark life changes. They should be celebrated.

Today marks another anniversary, one that is bittersweet because I can't say that it marks a wonderful life change.....but it should be celebrated none-the-less.

Today marks the first anniversary of Abby's diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. Just like the other pivotal times in my life there are vivid memories of that day. I remember calling her peditricitan because I'd taken note of her excessive thirst the night before. I remember them telling me that the doctor would want to see her, as soon as possible. I remember arriving at her school and crying all over her teacher because I was so worried it could be diabetes. I remember her first finger poke. I remember the doctor telling us that there was only one thing this all could be. I remember wondering if her new diagnosis was something I had caused. In the span of a few seconds our life turned sharply, and we would have to learn to adjust.

And that's just what we've done.

Although I don't celebrate the fact that Abby has to deal with this disease, I do celebrate the grace with which she does it. Abby takes the 4 shots, and the numerous finger pokes that go along with them, as if they were nothing. She doesn't flinch or complain, in fact most times she will thank us when we are done. She has also adjusted so well to the fact that she can't have some of the treats that other kids can, or eat whenever she feels like it, like so many of us do. She even tolerates the times when I have to force her to eat something, because I know it can be dangerous if she doesn't. As I think back to those first few shots and pokes I can't believe how amazingly well she has adjusted to all of this. Her strength of spirit continues to astound me - that alone is enough to celebrate.

I also celebrate the job Jason and I have done managing all that goes into having a child with type 1 diabetes. The number of calculations we've done this year blows my mind. I've lost count of the times I've figured up carb counts, carb to insulin ratios, and dosages. I've learned the signs of Abby's highs and lows, and how to treat both. In essence we have learned to become Abby's pancreas - and I'm proud of us.

I celebrate the army of doctors and caregivers that have supported us along the way. From her diabetes doctor who invited us to call him at home whenever we had a question, to the nurses at the diabetes center who had the patience with my near daily calls in the beginning. I celebrate the teachers, secretary, and principal at Abby's school who so fearlessly learned how to check her sugar and give her shots each day before lunch, and who keep an eagle on her to make sure she is right on target with her diet and activity. I can honestly say that we would not have had such a successful year without them. They are to be applauded.

Finally, I celebrate the fact that no matter how draining, tiring, and inconvenient diabetes is, it is manageable. Each day Abby has the medicine she needs to live a healthy and happy life. I can't be more thankful for that.

I look forward to a time when a cure will be found, but until then we will celebrate each victory along the way.

So, happy anniversary, Abby. We made it through our first year, kiddo, and I'm more in awe of you than ever.

There isn't much that slows this kid down!

What lessons can I learn from Abby? First, not to dwell on the negative. Even when she isn't feeling great she can find something to smile about - even if it's just a bowl of ice cream.

From A to Z

We have always been dog people. There have been very few years that we've been married that we didn't have a dog. Over the years we've had several sad episodes when we've had to say good-bye to a couple of wonderful family pets, but despite the pain that brings, we've always felt that our family isn't complete without a dog.

A while ago, before we realized just how sick Bruiser was, we'd talked about getting another dog. We'd had large dogs for quite some time, and we thought having a smaller dog might be fun. We were certain Abby would love it, and convinced that Bruiser would enjoy the company as well. Jason did his homework and found a wonderful breeder of Australian Terriers. These seemed to be the perfect fit for us, and once we contacted Theresa we knew we were on the right track, so we officially added our names to their waiting list.

Before we knew it, Theresa contacted us to let us know that two litters were to be born, and we would be getting one of those puppies. We were thrilled - to say the least. Abby kept a close eye on the puppy cam and made sure to tell anyone that would listen about her new puppy - her "little" puppy.

Sadly, Bruiser was not to meet our newest addition. We have missed him greatly in the nearly two months that he has been gone. The house seemed emptier and we were sadder, but by the time he was gone we knew which one of those little puppies would be a part of our family, and this helped ease the pain. Zeke had been chosen for us.

We'd decided that when the time came to go get Zeke, Abby needed to be a part of that. So, not only would Abby be getting a puppy, but she would be taking her first flight on an airplane....and that brings us to this weekend. We had no idea how she would do on a plane. It isn't easy for Abby to sit still and be quiet, especially when she is surrounded by so many people that she hasn't met yet. I had visions of her trying to visit with everyone on the plane. She also has some trouble with loud noises and the unknown. We couldn't do anything about her outgoing personality, but we could prepare her as best as possible. So, we set about practicing. We talked though what would happen and even walked through pretend metal detectors in order to get to our pretend plane. Abby was ready, but I was still nervous.



Abby is fairly bursting with excitement.

I shouldn't have been. Abby was a pro, and so incredibly excited about getting her puppy. I cannot tell you how proud we were of that little girl. Soon enough we were pulling up to Theresa's house, moments away from meeting Zeke for the first time. I wasn't prepared for the tears that clogged my throat as I watched Abby and Zeke meet face to face. Abby was in heaven, in the midst of all of those wonderfully happy dogs, and incredibly nice people. I cannot say enough good about Theresa and her family. Not only do they responsibly breed excellent dogs, but they do it with grace, style, and hospitality that is matched by few. They welcomed us into their home and treated us like honored guests.

Abby continued to do wonderfully, but before long the travel and schedule changes got the best of her. She was tired and needed rest. After an early bedtime she was up and ready to go for round two today. Knowing that Abby was now a pro, we were curious to see how Zeke would handle the airplane.

By the time we landed it was clear, we had a couple of pretty awesome kiddos. Abby was once again  stellar when it came to airplane etiquette, and Zeke....well, it wasn't until a surprised yip came from the dog carrier by our feet upon landing that anyone around us even knew that we had a dog with us. Yes, they both did wonderfully.

We got home from our whirlwind trip and had fun getting back to normal, and playing with the newest member of the gang. Tonight, as Zeke lay cuddled on my lap I couldn't help but think he will fit in here just fine, and that once again our family feels complete. As one person commented on Facebook, Abby and Zeke have us covered, from A to Z.

Abby dreaming of future flights.

These two were fast friends.

All smiles and ready to head home!

Sneaking in a quick nibble.

So much excitement wears a poor pup out.

Hope

It's been a while between posts, and although I've been quiet here, things have not been quiet around the Valente household. Life has a way of chugging right along, and quite frankly lately I feel like I'm running to keep up. I hadn't planned on writing a post tonight, but something happened today that I just needed to share.

To begin I need to back up - about 8 and a half years. Within hours of Abby's birth she was flown to the University of Michigan hospital. Everyone there was pretty fantastic, but there are a few lovely people that stand out. One of these angels was Nurse Joanie. Joanie was the one that got Abby chugging her bottle like a pro, she was the one that stayed well past her shift one night in order to make sure Abby's IV got put in right, and she was the one that told us the night before Abby came home, "You need to go out and have a nice dinner, just the two of you. After all, you have the world's most expensive babysitter." In short, we loved Nurse Joanie.

This afternoon, while my students were working quietly at their desks, my phone made an interesting "chirp". I looked down to see that I had a message from Nurse Joanie. After school I took a peek at it and saw that she was referring me to the blog of a lovely family who is currently at the U of M. In fact she was directing me to one particular post.

As soon as I could I popped over to the post and got to reading. I could feel the lump in my throat getting bigger as I realized what was to come. See, a few years ago Abby was chosen to be part of a special project for the new children's hospital U of M was building. The project was called "The Walls of Hope". Photographs of children who had been in the NICU were taken by a wonderful photographer and were paired with photos of them when they were at the hospital. These beautiful pictures now line the walls of the NICU and are there in order to offer hope to those parents who are currently spending many agonizing hours there. I sat at my desk reading about this young family, who had gone through a difficult birth which resulted in one of their twins needing to stay in the NICU. After receiving the news that, along with numerous health concerns, their daughter also had Down syndrome, the mother talked about walking the halls of the hospital. I could so clearly remember being there, having the feeling that all of my "plans" for Abby had changed and I was faced with a future that was uncertain and not what I had expected.

Just as this frightened mother was wondering what her daughter's future might look like, she spied Abby's picture. She saw her gentle smile and the sunlight shinning through her hair as she played in a field of flowers. She talked about how Abby's picture gave her hope. And that's when I cried.

Seeing Abby, along with the obvious fact that this young mother's faith is strong, had helped her come to the realization that her daughter's future was destined to be different, but it could be so much more than she'd ever expected.

Once again today I was reminded how very precious Abby is. I was once again amazed, and humbled, by my own child. I will never know how far reaching an impact that little girl has had. I will never know the number of lives that she has made better, by simply being who she is. Tonight I sit in amazement at the Great God who's wisdom is far beyond any I could ever have, and I am thankful - very thankful indeed.

The Gentle Giant

Once upon a time, not that long ago, a puppy was born. He was a sweet puppy with great big paws and beautiful golden eyes. Despite the gentle glow in those eyes, his family looked at his mighty paws and christened him, "Bruiser", for they thought he would grow to be a giant, and indeed he did.

Bruiser grew and grew, as he lived with his first family, but he never lost his gentle spirit. Even though his brothers and sisters would often push him out of the way when it was time to eat, or pick on him in other ways, he didn't lose heart.

Before long his first family needed to move, and they couldn't keep Bruiser, so they looked far and wide for a family that would love their gentle giant. One day, as the cold winter winds blew, a family came to visit the dog. They brought with them a very special little girl, a little girl who loved dogs, big and small, and who needed a loving companion who was both tough and tender. The little girl was nervous at first, for Bruiser had a mighty bark, but soon she was laughing as he ran and played around her. The parents of the little girl saw just what they had been looking for, and so it came to pass that Bruiser would continue on with a new family.

From the moment Bruiser arrived, he was comfortable, almost as if he was always meant to be there. A great love blossomed between Bruiser and the family. He sought their attention and love, and joyfully played in their big green yard. He loved most though, that special little girl, who would shower him with affection. Each day he would wait anxiously while she was away, and then greet her joyfully when she arrived back home. He reveled in the times when she would throw her little arms around his neck and softly whisper, "I love you, Bruiser." Those were the times when his heart was the fullest.

The parents of the little girl would watch in amazement as the great dog would sit patiently as the little girl adorned him with silly hats and funny scarves, and they would laugh when the two of them would howl loudly, singing at the top of their lungs. They liked it best though when Bruiser would keep watch over his little girl, and guard her from strangers, or scary noises. They knew that he would defend their little girl at all costs.

And the family was happy.

Years passed and the little girl grew, and so did the bond between her and Bruiser. But far, far too soon the parents began to notice changes in their beloved dog. They noticed the once nimble animal limping when he walked, and his back becoming thinner. They noticed that he spent more time sleeping, and he became more fearful. It was the day that he cried out in pain that confirmed their fears. Their protector was very sick indeed. With heavy hearts they took him to the doctor, only to hear that he was in great pain, and they loved him far too much to let him stay that way. And so, it was his time to leave the family.

There is now an empty space in the house where those great paws used to romp and play. There is a heartbeat missing from the family, and because of this there is grief. They know the sadness will lessen with time, and eventually the special little girl will stop asking, "Where's Bruiser?", but he will never leave their hearts or their memories, for their Gentle Giant was special, and a soul such as his will always leave a lasting impression.

What We Did on Our Summer Vacation

One week. One week from today we will be running around, packing lunches and backpacks, hustling through breakfasts, and getting pictures by the "picture tree". One week from today Abby and I will be heading back to school.

We are both ready. I love the start of school, the new opportunities, the new plans and ideas, and all the new school supplies.  Every day for the last couple of weeks Abby has either asked, "School today?" or told me, "I'm so excited for school to start!" As much as we are both ready for some structure and socializing, I am incredibly sad to see the summer come to an end. It was a wonderful summer - the best yet, in fact. So, I thought I would answer that age old question, the one teachers all over the country ask their students the first week of school - here's what we did on our summer vacation.

Swimming Lessons

I swear, Abby would spend the whole day in water if she could. In order to avoid my panic every time she approaches more than three inches of water, we thought it prudent to enroll her in some swimming lessons. So, two days a week Abby and I trotted down to the local Y where she had the opportunity to learn and practice the basics. I think the only time she didn't have a smile on her face was when the class had to "sit on the wall" and wait for their individual turns to swim.

She was always the happiest when she was in
the water - a trait inherited from Daddy.

We also got to spend time out at the lake this summer.
It's a hard, but someone's got to do it!

Shopping

This may sound silly, but we did a ton of grocery shopping this summer - and that is kind of a big deal. It was though our trips to the grocery store that I was able to see just how much Abby has grown and matured. Gone are the days when she would run off to steal someone else's grocery cart, or when I needed to maintain an iron grip on her at all times. Imagine my amazement when I could push the cart and she would obediently trail behind (granted she was about 3 feet behind because she was so distracted by everything, but she was there), and she would even help out by putting things in the cart.

We always had to take a ride on "Sandy" once
a successful shopping trip was done. The incentive
for good behavior was well worth the penny.

Abby is convinced she is the one who magically
makes the doors close after we leave a store. We
always have to stop so she can close them 3 or 4 times - at least.

The Cottage

It had been quite a while since we'd been up to the family cottage, and so when Daddy took some vacation time, we headed north. It took Abby a couple of days to settle into a new place, but when she did we all had a wonderful time. Boat rides, swimming, and playing outside made the cottage a veritable haven for Abby.

Abby has a standing invitation at the neighbor's swing set.
Her squeals of delight could be heard across the lake, I'm sure.

Happy girl.

She couldn't wait to go swimming, and had
to have a "doo-rag" just like Nana!

Doctors Appointments

Well, you have to take the good with the bad, and we had both in this category. Let's start with the good. Abby had a follow up appointment with her diabetes doctor. He couldn't say enough about how well she is doing, in fact, he told us she had the best numbers of the day. I was so proud of all of us, and this kept me riding high for a while. We also had Abby's yearly check-up with the cardiologist. I have to admit I was dreading this one. They wanted to do an echo cardiogram, the one that is basically an ultrasound of your heart....the one that requires a dark room and holding still, neither of which are Abby's favorites. The last time they did one of these they had to knock her out. Thankfully the people at the children's hospital are wonderful and know just what to do to put a scared little girl at ease. Bless those doctors who had the patience to take Woody's EKG and Jesse's blood pressure. Because of them, Abby did fabulously, and came away with another wonderful report.

The patience of the doctors never cease to amaze me. This
super doctor even took the time to find a cuff that would fit
Jesse (sort of) and went through the whole process of taking her
blood pressure. There's a reason he is the only one who has ever
gotten Abby to do her blood pressure - and with a smile no less!

Unfortunately, not everything was great in the health department this summer. Abby ended up with a nasty case of the flu (which she shared with me, wasn't that nice of her?), and we ended up in the emergency room. Luckily it was a short stay, and she recovered quickly. Even though that's the last place I wanted to be, I was once again impressed with Abby's bravery; she got her IV like a pro.

You can see by her eyes how dehydrated she is here.
Even through it all, she could smile. What a trooper.

Playing & Visiting

Since summers are a bit of a "working holiday" for teachers, Abby did a lot of playing, both with buddies and on her own, when Mom had to get some work done for the classes I am taking, or when I needed to get into my classroom to get stuff done.

We also had some friends and family over, as well as got to go to visit them. This was so good for our little social butterfly.

If Mom was working....Abby needed to as well.

There was always time for being a princess.

She even gave some percussion lessons to this cutie.

The little cowgirl isn't always happy, but thankfully
those moments are few and far between.

We got to meet Grandma's new doggie - Lilly!

It took a bit, but eventually Abby was okay with her jumping up.
I couldn't help but laugh that Abby can boss around an 80+ pound
German Shepherd like nobody's business, but a 7 pound little dog would
send her running and scrambling for the couch.

So there it is in a nutshell - our wonderful summer. It will be greatly missed, but the memories are priceless!