Sibling Rivalry

From time to time people will ask us if we plan to have any more kids. In all honesty, in the seven years since we've had Abby I've gotten a twinge for having another baby once, when one of the kiddos in the church nursery fell asleep in my arms. It was such a faint little twinge, that never morphed into a full-blown longing. When I told Jason about it his response was something like, "Why don't you wait until you put Abby to bed tonight, and then we'll talk." What a smart man! My "twinge" was long forgotten after our cumbersome bedtime ritual.

People have talked to me and said things like, "Abby would love to have a baby brother or sister," and I agree, she would - until that little one took Mom or Dad's attention away from her. I can hear her now, "Mama! All done baby!" I've also thought it would be good for her to have a sibling for the future. I worry about who will look after her when we are old. Frankly, that is not a reason to have another child. The fact of the matter is, I don't want any more children. Is that bad to say? Abby makes me happier than I could have ever imagined, and fulfills me completely - I don't feel as if I'm missing anything. Our family is complete. In the words of a friend of mine: "My quiver is full."

Now, having said all that, there are some disadvantages to having an only child. Siblings teach patience and sharing. They also can play together. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I wasn't Abby's primary playmate. Then I remember some of the knock-down, drag-out fights my sister and I had (Actually, I was the only one doing the knocking-out and the dragging -down - I was a bit of a brute when I was younger. I know, hard to believe, right?). Some days we fought over everything: who would put the cap on the toothpaste, what sink we got to use, who got to play the first game of Space Invaders, and the list goes on and on. I think about those times and I'm grateful that, after a long day of correcting kids, I don't have to come home and break up fights or be a referee....or so I thought.

This evening, after about the fourth time that Bruiser had nosed Abby out of the way to get to the mirror, I heard myself say, "Alright you guys, that's enough. If you can't get along I don't want you anywhere near each other!" What!?! I had to stop for a minute and think about what just happened. Was I really just yelling at the kid and the dog to get along? I watched as Abby gave him one more shove and said, "Watch out, Bruiser!" and had to laugh. For all intents and purposes Abby did have a sibling - Bruiser.

This is one of my all time favorites of these two!

I have watched those two needle each other so much that it drives everyone in the household to their breaking point, but I have also seen those two as thick as thieves. A perfect example is when Abby comes home from school. As soon as Bruiser hears the bus (which is before we even see it) he starts barking, and he doesn't quit until Abby is in the house. Today, Abby threw her arms around him and told him, "Hi Bruiser! I love you - so much!" Then, after dinner Abby decided to pull out her red dress. There was a lot of noise so I turned around to find Abby standing at the mirror, with her arm slung around Bruiser's neck, singing into a microphone with Bruiser howling away beside her. Within a half an hour Abby was "tattling" on Bruiser for stepping on her dress.

At the moment the two of them are separated - they needed some time away from each other - and Mom needed some peace and quiet. In the end, the way I look at it is that it's a "win-win" situation. Abby gets a confidant and a sparring partner, and I don't have do any 3 a.m. feedings or diaper changes - perfect!

As promised - a plate of pancakes for breakfast today!

I snapped this picture as we were waiting for
the bus. Throughout the day I would open up
my phone and look at it - it just made me laugh!
The look on her face is priceless.

Now if this doesn't brighten your day, I don't know

what will. Abby decided to do a little tap dancing

before the bus arrived. Enjoy!

Just Right

You ever have one of those days when everything just goes right? Today was one of those days. Abby was an absolute gem - despite the fact that she got me up at quarter to five this morning.

You'd look that tired too if you'd gotten up at 4:45 a.m.

I had no idea the day would go so well when she insisted it was time to wake up at 4:45 in the morning - in fact the hour gave me every indication that it would be just the opposite. I was exhausted but able to convince her to crawl into our bed and play on the iPad while I dozed until six. I have never been so thankful for Steve Jobs than I was this morning. She was great while I got ready, and then we came down to have breakfast together. Although she requested noodles and nuggets for breakfast, she was okay with my suggestion of Cheerios (with a pretzel rod chaser).

From there she was super excited to get dressed in her bright sweater, fun skirt, and her sparkly red shoes. She loved it so much she just had to dance, so as we waited for the bus Abby did a bit of some tap and ballet (heavy on the twirls) in front of her mirror. The dancing made us a little later than usual so we had to run out to the bus and she happily climbed up the steps.

After school she was just as happy to come home. She'd worked up quite an appetite because she asked for seconds on dinner - and ate it all. Then came her sweet request for dessert. Although she wanted "white ice cream" she accepted the chocolate ice cream I gave her (the only kind we had), with the addition of a little chocolate syrup. Unfortunately, the ice cream was a little hard, so as she was sitting at the table I  heard her exclaim, "Oh come on! This isn't working!" as she struggled to break it up into bite size pieces. Today she didn't even seem to mind Mom laughing at her.

I thought a "Pen Pal" badge would be
appropriate.

Once dessert was finished we set about writing Abby's pen pal, Lilia. I printed off some badges that she could color, while she drew a picture for her new friend. When I asked her what she drew she gave me a funny look and told me, "A purple pumpkin." I immediately apologized for being obtuse.

She gave me a little trouble when it was time to go upstairs, but counting our steps made going to bed fun tonight. After a sweet bedtime talk with Dada (and quite a few sips of water) she cuddled in. She wanted tonight's story to be about The Mighty B, and she even requested a song about the show. I have to confess that she listened to the truly terrible song that I made up as I went along, and I didn't blame her one bit when she finally asked me to stop singing. Pretty soon her feet stilled and her breathing evened out - and so did mine. I think I woke up about twenty minutes later - she was just too warm and cuddly, my tired eyes didn't stand a chance.

Yep, today was one of those days when everything just went right, and though I'm pretty tired, it's a good kind of tired - a happy kind of tired, and it's very nice indeed.

These two goofballs greeted each other like
it had been days instead of hours since they'd
seen each other.

Here's the package that will go out tomorrow
to Lilia. How could I not see that was a
purple pumpkin?

This might me my favorite badge!

When Jason's Away....

For the next few days Abby and I (and Bruiser and Nan) are on our own. This afternoon Jason boarded a plane and flew to sunnier skies for work. Whenever Jason goes out of town I always gain a healthy respect for single parents, and a deeper appreciation for how much he does to keep our family going. I'm usually a bit crankier, a tad more on edge, a little more off kilter.....oh, and a ton more organized. See, things that I don't normally have to "plan" for (like showers and getting Abby on the bus, among other things) suddenly require forethought. Our mornings have to run like clockwork, because there's no one that I can ask to help me find socks (matching or otherwise), pour a bowl of Cheerios, get her glasses washed, make sure she has everything for school, brush her hair, find a new program to watch, and the list goes on and on - all the while trying to get ready for work myself. As stressful as the mornings sound, with a few simple preparations everything is ready to go. The mornings aren't what I dread when Jason is gone, it's the evenings.

Today, as usual Abby was as sweet as could be after school. She even pleaded with me to go upstairs and cuddle with her - you didn't have to ask me twice. It's that time after dinner, when she starts to get tired that she begins to get a bit ornery (Don't we all?). This is when Jason is invaluable. He can make bath-time and bedtime fun! Usually Abby loves baths, but she has been a bit leery of them lately, because she knows that a band-aid change usually follows. Sure enough, at the suggestion of a bath she put the breaks on. So, me being the brilliant mother that I am (she says, dripping with sarcasm) I pulled out a bottle of bubbles and lured her into the tub with the promise of blowing bubbles. She was all for that, and I thought it would work wonderfully - until I handed her the bottle and she proceeded to dump the whole thing into the tub. I believe she thought the tub would serve as a great bubble reservoir - it didn't.

Okay, now time to improvise. Luckily shampoo produces lots of bubbles, but Abby is no dummy, and when those bubbles refused to stick to the bubble-blower stick, she quickly ran out of patience with the hair washing I was trying to give her. In the midst of a yell for me to stop dousing her with water, her band-aid (now soaked) lost it's stickiness, and its grip on her finger. Well, at least now the focus was off her hair - right?

She became fascinated with her band-aidless finger and began to cry that it hurt. I believe this was when I suggested we get out of the tub and call Dada. I finally got her out, dried off, dressed and even got her hair brushed and then we gave Daddy a call. She was so excited to see him on my phone and kept asking if she could go there too. After a good night kiss she settled down to cuddle and watch a short program before bed.

I'm happy to say that she is now sleeping soundly (after a few panicky moments when she wanted Dada, which resulted in two more calls to him). She finally snuggled in and by the end of Goldilocks and the Three Bears she was out. Whew - one night down, two more to go.

Abby's clothes are laid out (complete with matching socks) and her bag is packed for tomorrow. In a moment I'll pre-pack some lunches and get my clothes ready to go. The dog is laying by the couch and the cat is, who knows where (cats are weird like that). The house is quiet and the clock ticks softly behind me. I should enjoy this peacefulness, but frankly things are a bit too still for me. Like Abby, I miss Jason too. So, once my chores are done I also will require one more call to settle me in for the night, and then it's off to sleep - because mornings come quickly around here.

One thing that was really fun, was that Abby got
her first package from her "Pen Pal" today.

It contained a cool Bee skirt, a beautiful flower
made out of melted beads, and some wonderful
badges made by Lilia. They were so creative!
Abby got a gardening badge, a cookie making badge,
and a castle building badge - among others.
We quickly put them on her sash and she was happy to model.
Thanks Lilia! You're package will be heading out soon!

What a Parent Learns

Today was a rough day. Abby had a follow-up appointment for her finger. I couldn't go with her, so Jason took her. During the morning I got a call and expected to hear Jason on the other end. Instead it was Abby tearfully telling me how afraid she was to see the doctor.

It broke my heart.

One of the best ways I know of to express my feelings is through poetry. This about sums it up.

What a Parent Learns

A parent learns
quickly
to read the cries of their newborn.
I'm hungry, sounds
different
than, I'm tired.
I'm hurt
is distinct from
I'm afraid.


A parent learns
early
that they are needed - their
presence
calms the infant.
They are able to provide
nourishment,
comfort,
sanctuary.

A parent learns
in time
that words replace
cries,
and some things
become easier to fix -
hurts
can be pointed out,
cravings
can be satisfied.

A parent learns
then
that fears become
bigger,
scarier,
and that their presence
won't always
soothe,
their voice
won't always
calm,
their arms
can't make the fear
go away.

A parent learns,
at that point, to
wait,
to know,
that their
little one
will be okay in the
end,
but that they can't
fight the fear
for their child,
they are
helpless
for a time.

A parent learns,
finally,
that their child
sheds
the fear
easier
than they do.
For the parent,
the panic,
the terror,
the anxiety,
remains -
fresh -
coupled with the
knowledge
that they were
powerless
to take it away.

A parent learns
then,
that
fear
creeps in on them.
They learn to
dread
the next doctor's appointment,
the next dark room,
the next bad dream.
So, the parent
relishes the
in-between
time, and
fills
those moments
with
"I'm proud of you"'s
and
"I love you"'s,
and finds solace
in the
presence of their
amazing
child.

Back to School

For days now we have been prepping Abby for her return to school. Every time we would mention it though she would let out an emphatic, "NO! Don't wanna go school!" This in itself isn't very unusual - she got her mother's "homebody" gene, but usually we can get her excited to see friends and teachers, but this time around she didn't want to talk about any of it. She wanted to stay home - and that was that!

This morning we got up and I told her (very excitedly) that she would get to ride the bus and see her friends today - some of her favorites, but she hid her face and began shaking. I asked her what was wrong and she finally told me, "No Mama, 'fraid of kindergarten." A-ha, I was wondering if that was a part of the reluctance to go back. Because of the way that Spring Break fell, and the 'finger down the drain' episode, she hadn't been to school in two weeks. Her last memory of the place was pretty frightening and painful - in essence she was afraid to go back.

Now, despite the fact that there was a part of me that thought: You know, I don't have school today, so I could keep her home one more day. The smarter part of me thought: She needs to get back on the horse, or things will keep getting harder. So, I enlisted the best person around when it comes to motivating Abby - Jason.

Waiting for the bus. This is by far one
of the cutest pictures I've ever taken of her!

Like a superhero he swooped in and saved the day. He came up with the brilliant idea to celebrate her return to school with a birthday-type party after school - complete with presents, cupcakes, and pizza! Is it bribery? Yes! Did it work? You bettcha! She became excited and we were able to get her ready for school and participate in doing a little Hokey Pokey as we waited for the bus. She started to put the breaks on when the bus arrived, but then her face lit up at the suggestion that her good friend might be on the bus waiting for her. She was a champ as she climbed the steps and gave the driver a hug, then bopped off to her seat. Despite the fact that all we could really see of her through the bus window were her pink glasses, Jason and I kept waving and signing "I love you" until she was out of sight.

I was sure that she would be fine, but that didn't stop the worrying. Luckily, I have a great relationship with her wonderful teacher and was able to email her throughout the day to see how she was doing. All reports were good! Jason was able to take a few minutes before his evening meeting to pick Abby up from school and chat with her teacher. He said that they mentioned she was quite fearful of going into the bathroom, but otherwise it was a good day - whew!

We got that pizza and Jason got her an adorable pirate outfit from the toy store - a perfect present. She had her cupcake (and a couple of popsicles) and is now happily watching one of her favorite shows. A good end to a good day!

Tomorrow she heads back to the doctor to check out her finger. This time it's Dada's turn to take her. I know he isn't looking forward to it, but it will be over quickly and then hopefully things can start to get back to normal - whatever that means!

I had to get one more of my stylish little miss.

The Stuff We Do for Our Kids

Since having Abby I have danced goofy dances, sang silly songs, made the most ridiculous faces, and put all sorts of paraphernalia on my head - and those are just the things I've done in public. When we are home I pull out all the stops. If you would have told me ten years ago how absurd some of my behavior would become in order to make Abby laugh or to divert a tantrum, I wouldn't have believed you, but now I wonder what some people must think when they see me at my goofiest. Today though, Jason topped them all. Let me give you the background.

Abby had not had a good night's sleep, and therefore neither did we. We were all tired, and since Abby refuses to rest, around the time we were heading out to Nana and Papa's she was already in "a mood". For the ride out I sat in the back with her, in the hopes of providing distraction. We sang songs, we danced, we read books (one particularly gross one about the bugs and frogs found in pools and ponds that solidified my "No swimming in natural bodies of water" rule), and yet she was still crabby - until Jason cracked open a window and a balloon that had been hiding in the back was pushed to the front by the wind. This sparked a delightful game of "catch" between Abby and myself. This kept us entertained for the last ten minutes to Nana and Papa's.

It came as no surprise to me then, when we got in the car to come home, that Abby put in a forceful request for the balloon and wind. Since she was getting rather whiney, Jason obliged by putting down the windows, while I reached for the balloon in the back. Unfortunately, there were several stop lights and plenty of traffic, so the wind was more stop and start, than full blast as Abby likes it. Finally though, Jason saw his opportunity to provide her with the wind she so desperately wanted, and he floored it. Abby loved it - the police officer that we blew past - not so much. Amid Abby's gleeful laughs I heard Jason say, "I'm going to get a ticket."

What?!? I didn't even see the cop, until I turned around and realized that he was following us pretty closely. Sure enough, the lights flashed and we pulled over. Both Jason and the officer were cool and cordial, and as we pulled away (with a ticket), Jason told me, "I guess that's what I get for trying to give Abby some fun." I was impressed with his calm, but like he said, "What am I going to do?"

So, it seems that we can add "Getting a ticket" to the list of things that we've done for Abby. We drove home safely (and following the posted speed limit), without playing with the balloon or rolling down the windows - pulling out the iPad seemed like a much safer option to distract Abby.

Happy Easter!

Abby got ahold of the camera and turned the
tables on me.

Nana made cupcakes! According to Abby the
icing was the best part!

Greetings

If you consider yourself a shy person, someone who would rather not talk to (or acknowledge) strangers, then don't ever go anywhere with Abby. I noticed long ago that she ignores that invisible barrier between strangers. When we are in a waiting room, she makes sure to say, "Hi!" to everyone, and she'll often plop down next to them and tell them how pretty their clothes are. When we are in the grocery story, you can guarantee she will greet the people we pass in the aisles. She will certainly get very excited if she sees "kids" in the cart next to ours. The other day, she overheard a mom tell her daughter that they would head over to the Barbies. Abby, who was sitting in the cart hugging the doll she'd just picked out, yelled out, "Look what I got!" She wanted to share the exciting moment with the other little girl. Today was no different. We went to look for some fabric - a rather tedious expedition for little Abby - and everyone we passed she chatted with. She had a great conversation with the nice lady who cut my fabric, and even included the lady across the way checking out the buttons. When we checked out, she was invited to help out one of the cashiers, which she did with a big smile.

Sadly, I didn't take any pictures today. So, I
went to the "archives" and found this gem of
one of our shopping trips. Abby has "graduated"
to the back of the cart.

I used to be slightly embarrassed and try to shoo her away from others, afraid that she would be encroaching on their privacy. Then I sat back and watched how she operated - and most importantly, how others responded to her. They smiled, they engaged her, they let her charm wash over them, and that was that. I tell you, there have been times when complete strangers have given her things (like a sparkly scarf they were wearing) just because she expressed her admiration. It was one afternoon while we were in a waiting room, and she'd gotten a total stranger to read a book to her, that I began to think how silly it was that we all sit and walk together, and never acknowledge that we are sharing the same space. I realized that Abby had the much better way of doing things, because when she left a place, she left smiles and brightness behind. This has been one of the many things I've learned from her - to notice those around me and to fight against my natural shyness and greet them. I can't say I'm anywhere near as successful as Abby is, but I'm still learning. Luckily I have a master teacher.