What I've Learned

Well, here we are....the "last" post in my year long project. Tomorrow is Abby's 8th birthday, which means tonight finishes my year of blogging. For the last 365 days I have invited you all in. I've shared my many, many joys, a few frustrations, and several sorrows. I have so many hopes about what you've learned in this year of Abby....but I will get to those momentarily. To begin I would like to share a few things that I have learned this year.

Determination is nothing without encouragement.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I committed to a year of daily blogging. There were some days when the posts "wrote themselves", but for the most part they took much thought and planning on my part. I remember my mom asking me how long it usually took me to write my nightly post. She was quite surprised when I told her about one to two hours. Now, granted on those longer nights I was usually distracted by something, but I am not a fast writer - I tend to ponder my choice of words carefully.

There were many nights when I thought, what would missing one post really matter? There were even some nights when I would put the question to Jason, hoping that he would tell me it would be just fine to take a break....but, he would give me "the look" instead. The look that would make me feel terribly guilty - the one that said, "You committed to this, now you need to follow through." After "the look" he would remind me of the people that look forward to reading about Abby's day. 

I know there are some of you that have been on this journey with us since the beginning. I can't tell you how many people would see me and mention how much they enjoyed hearing about Abby. I loved to see them talking with Abby about something that happened recently, or telling me about a time when their child did something similar to her latest antic. All of this encouraged me to keep going - to keep writing. I would not have accomplished a year of posts without all of you - of that I am certain.

It isn't about how much you can handle - it's about how you handle much.

Jason and I have declared this last year "The Year of the Hand". If you've been following my posts you will understand that completely. If you caught us midway through, let me give you a recap. Our year began with Jason getting his wrist set and put in a cast, because he'd slipped on the ice and gotten a small fracture. Only about a month later, Abby had her finger-down-the-drain episode. We did fine for a while, but at the end of summer was when Jason had the crazy spear-through-the-hand accident, and all the drama that followed. Finally, more recently, Jason cut his finger bad enough to require stitches. In all we've had 4 emergency room runs, 2 surgeries, and over 20 stitches - all concerning Abby's or Jason's hands. This can't possibly be typical.

Along with the "hand stuff" we've had sickness to contend with - enough sickness to prompt a drastic change in what Abby eats. It was in desperation, after weeks of bowl issues, that we switched her to a gluten free diet - something that we've stuck to for months now.

There are many other struggles that I could bring up, but I won't. Suffice it to say, we haven't had the easiest of years. But you know what? That's okay. I could have very easily gotten down and angry, and believe me there were a few times when I did, but I didn't stay that way. Believe it or not the blog helped with that. I made it a point when I started this to make this a positive place, a place people will want to visit, a place that lifts up and doesn't drag down. I found that more often than not, that by writing about my day, it was my spirits that lifted. By focusing on my joys, even on the worst days, I always ended my day being thankful, and that is a beautiful thing.

The smallest things can make the biggest impacts.

On most days I shared "little" things. I shared the silly things Abby did and the funny things she said. I didn't dwell on disability, delays, or Down syndrome - because that isn't Abby. I have always believed that it is in the smallest moments that greatness can be found. When I piled up all of those "small" moments I am amazed at the picture I see. As I write this Abby's blog has had 23,827 page views. Oh, I understand that in blogging terms that number is imprecise, and doesn't tell me unique page views, traffic sources, blah, blah, blah. To me it doesn't matter. It tells me that Abby has reached many - in thousands of ways. Yes, her "small" moments have made a huge impact - of this I have no doubt.

Wishes do come true.

If I had one wish concerning the blog, it would be that minds would be changed. That is what I hope you have learned if you have journeyed with me at all - that any kind of challenge, whether it be obvious or not, is only a part of who we are, it doesn't define us. Along with that, I wish that the new parents of a special needs child would be able to peek beyond their fear and see there is a future with so much joy ahead of them. I wish that the families of those parents would understand how much their love, acceptance, and pride mean. I wish for everyone to see the person first, and rejoice in the specialness that makes us unique. I wish for Abby to have blown stereotypes so far out of the water, that others are viewed differently because of that.

I don't wish for much, do I? The thing is, I know that some of these have become a reality because you have taken the time to get to know one very special little girl - an I am eternally grateful.

My excellent teacher: Abby

A Snowy Day

Well, today more than made up for yesterday. The snow storm was every bit as plentiful as they had predicted, and therefore we did not have school - we had a Snow Day (or as Abby likes to call them "Snowy Days"). Unfortunately, we also didn't have power for the first part of our day. This could have been a problem, but we are hearty people and therefore when it did start to get a bit chilly, Abby and I simply went up to her room and read and colored while snuggling under her covers. Even though Jason "got" to go in to his warm office, I still think we got the better bargain.

Before lunch though, things were back on and I had no excuses for not throwing in that extra load of wash or getting some housework done. The thing is I've always felt that snow days are "gift" days, and therefore they should be spent doing only what you want to, not what you have to. Today I wanted to take it easy, and that's what we did. Abby was wonderfully low key and independent today, I think she was just as glad to have a bonus day at home.

She read books, she played with her dolls, and she did a whole lot of dressing up. I think for at least an hour this morning she was in her cowgirl gear and singing her heart out into her microphone. She was much more productive than I was, and at one point really let her artistic side shine, so I thought I would share some of her artwork from today. Get ready to be impressed - I was.

"Pumpkin"
Abby came up with the concept and design of this all on her own.

"Tree with Leaves"
I asked her to draw me a tree, and this is what she came up with. I love
that she chose autumn colors (my favorite season) and that she caught some
of the leaves mid-fall.

"Joseph's Coat"
This morning she wanted to watch Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
The only problem was that it was in our DVD machine, and we didn't have power - so
I couldn't get the movie out, to play it on my computer.
She did get to watch it later and I thought his coat would be a fun coloring project.

"The Crowd"
This wasn't done today, but it was a drawing that came home from school one day last week. I just love it.
I haven't done it, but I bet if I sat down with her she could tell me who each of the people in the picture are, and what they are saying (did you notice the "scribbles" by some of the people? - those are "Abby words").

A Lesson from Miss Scarlett

Did you ever have one of those days?

I don't know if it was the full moon, the impending snow storm, or the fact that it was Tuesday - but today was one of those days for me. By the end of the day I'd lost count of the number of times the principal popped his head in my room and asked, "Could I see you for a moment?" Luckily, I  wasn't in trouble, but I can't say the same for some of my kiddos.

It was when the school day was over that the weather decided to up the ante - that's when the rain turned to sleet. Despite that, I was still able to run my errands and make it home in plenty of time for the bus. I should have known though. I should have known, as I stood in the driveway waiting for Abby's bus, that Abby's day may not have been stellar.

When the bus pulled up I wasn't sure if the look that Mrs. Cathy gave me was due to Abby's behavior, or the fact that the sleet had now turned to a heavy, wet snow. I found out soon enough - it was Abby's behavior.

Sigh

I listened to the report, and tried to get her off the bus quickly - apparently not quickly enough because somebody waiting behind the bus lost their patience and honked their horn. Really? 

As we walked to the house I saw clearly that Abby was upset, and I got an even bigger clue when she kept saying, "I want Dada." I tried to ask her what had happened during the day, but all I could get out of her was a sad little, "No." This was one of those times when I really grieved the fact that her communication is delayed. She just doesn't have the verbal skills yet to tell me what might be bothering her. Despite the fact that she didn't have the words, I realized quickly that what Abby needed first was not a "talking to", but to know that she is loved.

I called her over and simply hugged her. We stayed like that for several minutes, me sitting with my arms around her and swaying slightly, while she stood between my knees and hid her face in my shoulder. After the day we both had it was exactly what we needed.

In true Abby fashion she bounced back quickly. Soon enough her smile was back and she was happily babbling about tonight's dinner and her upcoming birthday.

I'm sure that I'll find out what happened today, but for now this Tuesday has seen enough excitement. In true Scarlett O'Hara fashion, "I can't think about that right now....I'll think about that tomorrow...after all, tomorrow is another day."

Girls' Night

On the nights when Jason has to work late, or when he is out of town, I will often tell Abby that it is our chance to have a "Girls' Night". She usually gets pretty excited about this, even though for the most part it is business as usual. I think she just likes the idea that something special is bound to happen if the night has a special name.

Tonight I knew that Jason had a late meeting, and wouldn't be home until nearly bedtime, so this morning I told Abby tonight would be Girls' Night. I didn't realize how very excited she was about this until she got off the bus this afternoon. Her first words to me after telling be she'd been a good girl (which Mrs. Cathy confirmed) were, "Is it Girls' Night today?" I laughed and assured her that yes, indeed it was.

She was in a super mood and chatted with me as I made dinner, even helping me to package up some salad for my lunch tomorrow. Abby cleaned her plate and asked ever so politely for some ice cream. So, I gladly handed it over. How she managed to get ice cream under her shirt I'll never know, but by the time she was done she was telling me she was "dirty" and needed a bath. I agreed.

So, up we went. Her bath was followed by a quick, but intense period of dressing up, which was then followed by dancing with her imaginary prince (Edward, of course). From there we came down to do some work, me to knitting and Abby to some make-up work from a couple of weeks ago. By the time we'd had one more small bedtime snack, Daddy was home and Abby was off to bed.

You know, even though we didn't end up doing each other's hair or painting our nails, we still engaged in some time-honored "girly" things like, stuffing ourselves with pasta and ice cream, raiding Abby's closet and trying on clothes (looking for the perfect dancing dress), talking about boys (Abby brought up Prince Edward several times), and planning for our future (Abby told me she was going to be a Princess when she grew up and live in a castle). It seems that we did have a bona fide "Girls' Night" after all.

Mmmmm....she does love her "icy cream"

Practicing for The Ball - I caught her mid-twirl on this one.

Sunday Funnies

Remember newspapers? I mean actual newspapers that come to your door? The kind that weren't read on screens and got ink on your hands when you read them? Now, I know there are probably some of you out there that still get your morning papers, or at least the Sunday edition, but you have to admit that those people are becoming fewer and fewer. Even Jason, who prefers his paper Wall Street Journal, gave in a few years ago, it was just too convenient to have it delivered to his iPad, where he can have it with him wherever he goes.

Now, you may be wondering where all this is leading. Well, I can remember my parents getting the super-thick Sunday edition of the Detroit News. Along with all of the colorful ads, I remember the whole section of comics, and that on Sunday they were in color. Yes, when I would see that paper I would go right for the "Sunday Funnies".

Tonight I thought I would offer a variation on that theme. Tonight I'm going to offer some of Abby's Sunday Funnies.

Sound Effects

Today we were all in the car and Abby had her Merida and Queen Eleanor dolls. As we were driving Abby kept up a running dialogue between the two of them, much of which was yelling. At the end of each sentence she would make a funny sound. I knew what it was, but Jason finally turned to me and asked, "Is she spitting?"  

"No," I said, "she's shooting arrows."

Abby is big on being authentic, so when the time came for Merida to defy her mother and shoot the arrows, Abby made sure to make the sound of them leaving the bow and sailing through the air.

Entertain Me

Just like she does everything else (except get ready and out the door when we need to be somewhere), Abby eats fast. She's usually done with a meal before we are, and sometimes even before I have a chance to really start mine. Tonight she, once again, was done before we were. Instead of leaving the table and running off to play like usual, she let out a big sigh, put her chin on the table, and said, "Mom, I'm bored."

This was the first time I've ever heard that phrase come out of her mouth. It made me think of something my students would say, and I couldn't help but realize how quickly she's growing up.

But then she grabbed a wooden spoon and started sword fighting....and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Huh?

One of Jason's favorite things to do is to ask Abby all sorts of questions, just to see the response he'll get. They usually are pretty funny. Tonight, though she really wasn't in the mood for them, because every answer he got was, "No."

I finally chimed in and asked if she was a liar - since some of her answers were certainly not truthful. This got her really mad because she said, "No! I'm not tired!" We realized that she thought I was asking if she wanted to lie down. So Jason asked if she'd ever told a fib. When she then talked about being hungry, we wondered if she'd heard "fig" and not "fib".

Finally Jason told her that she needed to clean out her ears. "No!" she said, "My ears are fine...they are all clean!" She heard that one loud and clear.

I'm sure there were other funny things that happened today, as there are every day - I just wish I could remember them all.

Oh man, this kid melts me!

Early Gifting

Over the years Jason and I have gotten a bit of a reputation when it comes to gift giving. It all started when we were first married and we just couldn't wait to exchange gifts. We would buy things for each other for Christmas or birthdays, and never seemed to be able to wait for the actual date to arrive before exchanging them. I mean really, why let something linger in a box? Why not have a few extra days to enjoy it? It got so bad that at one point our families were placing bets as to how long we would hold out before giving each other our gifts.

I'm happy to say that over the years we've gotten a bit better, although the "Do you want to know what I got you?" question still pops up every now and again. Our challenge doesn't seem to be holding out on gift for each other anymore - it's waiting when it comes to Abby's gifts.

With Abby's birthday a mere 6 days away gifts we've ordered will start arriving within days. Luckily we don't have many laying around to tempt us into early gifting....but there was one. Yes, I said was - because today I folded.

This Christmas we got Abby an American Girl Doll - actually we got her two. I figured that the smaller dolls they sell would be more to her liking, they offer these adorable ones called "Bitty Twins". We decided that Abby would get one for Christmas, and we'd save the other for her birthday. So, every time I've walked into my craft room over the last four months I've seen the other doll there, just waiting to be given.

This morning as I watched Abby play with some of her toys, I began mentally reviewing what she would be getting this time next week....and I thought about that doll....and how it just might get lost in the shuffle. I began to think, Wouldn't it be better if her gifts where spread out a bit? Wouldn't it be better if she got the doll today?

I put the question to Jason, and with a roll of his eyes he said something like, "If you really want to." I think I heard, "What a marvelous idea!", because within minutes I was running up to get the twin. I wrapped her in one of Abby's old baby blankets and brought her down, telling Abby I'd found something when I was upstairs. She asked her standard, "Tis it?" as I folded back the blanket to reveal the new baby I was carrying.

Oh her face was precious. The look of joy was priceless as she exclaimed, "A new baby? For me? Thank you!" Abby immediately asked what the baby's name was, and when we told her that it was up to her, she quickly decided "Hannah" would be perfect.

She played with Hannah and Annie for a bit, eating some popcorn with them and at one point having them fight like a couple of action figures, but soon enough they landed on Daddy's lap. Apparently they needed the rest.

I think it was a perfect idea to give Abby the doll today, because not only did she have some fun playing with it, but now as other gifts arrive I'll be able to wait to give them - since I've already "early gifted" for her birthday this year.

Hannah is the blond, Annie is the brunette, and Abby is the
one in the middle.

Can't you just hear here giggling in this one?

Tap Reading

I've mentioned before how Abby likes to read. She really loves books, and each night before bed we spend at least half an hour reading, until she usually falls asleep midway through a book. As a teacher I know how very, very important this is to her language development and to prepare her for reading on her own. As a mother, I relish that quiet time the two of us share - it really is priceless.

Now, I've also mentioned that Abby will toggle between digital books and real books. Some nights she sticks with digital, some nights she sticks with real, and some nights, like tonight, she'll request a few of each.

For some time know I've noticed a particular thing she does when she is reading real books that may seem a bit odd to the casual observer. Each time we turn a page, Abby will tap her finger to one, or several of the pictures and then make a sound effect, or talk for the character. This may seem odd..... if you've never read a digital storybook. See, most of her digital books are interactive, the characters move or say something when you tap on them. I like to think that this tapping has become another way for her to interact with books. I love that she is stretching her imagination further by anticipating what the characters might do, or visualizing how things might taste or feel, or delivering dialogue with great inflection and enthusiasm. In fact I think it would be a great thing to have a whole generation of "tappers" reading, don't you?

So, if you ever happen to cuddle up with Abby and a good book, don't be surprised if she won't let you turn the page until she has added a bit of her own twist to the story, I guarantee it will make the tale much more fun and interesting.

This has to be my all time favorite picture of Abby
reading - I think she was about two here.