We would have started expanding our family much sooner than we did. I was the one who kept bringing up the topic of children. Jason certainly wanted them, but while I could only think of cuddles and cute onesies, he was thinking of how we would manage a growing family. The poor guy. Each time a friend announced a new pregnancy, the discussion about children would start up again. I remember a very specific time when I burst into tears after hearing about another friend's impending addition. Eventually, after 6 years of marriage, I convinced him.
If it had been up to me, we would have missed out on Abby.
If it had been up to me....
We would have had a typical birth story. There would have been no need for a frantic trip, 6 weeks too soon, to the hospital.... in the middle of the night.....through a snow storm. There would have been no need for an emergency c-section. There would have been no need for Abby to be flown by helicopter to a bigger hospital, while I stayed behind. It wouldn't have been two days before I could see my daughter, or six days before I could hold her.
If it had been up to me....
It wouldn't have become normal to leave our newborn each night in the NICU, while we stayed with family. We wouldn't have had to make due with "Abby Upates" by phone when we were missing our little one. It wouldn't have been a month before we could bring her home.
If it had been up to me, I wouldn't have seen so early that my daughter has the heart of a lioness.
If it had been up to me....
I wouldn't have had a child with a heart defect.....or diabetes......or Down syndrome. Abby wouldn't have had to have so many doctor's appointments in her young life. She wouldn't have learned that those trying to help her, sometimes hurt her in the process. Abby wouldn't have had enough shots and finger pokes to make the bravest of people shudder. Abby wouldn't have to work harder to learn what might come easily to others. Abby wouldn't have learned early on that she lives a world where others, even whole countries, think her life wasn't worth living simply because she has one extra chromosome.
If it had been up to me, I would never have known the incomprehensible joy that Abby brings to this world.
You cannot imagine how very thankful I am that none of this had been left up to me, because I cannot envision a world without Abby in it.
Tomorrow is World Down Syndrome Day.
Tomorrow I encourage you to fill your day with joy - in honor of Abby. Wear your mismatched socks, and when someone asks you why, use that as an opportunity to tell them your favorite Abby story. Tell them how fierce and funny she is. Tell them how she dances and sings through life. Tell them that she is so very brave. Tell them that she has a smile that lights up a room and a laugh that tickles your ears.
Tell them that we need more Abbys in this world, because now, if it were up to me, everyone would be able to experience the joy and warmth of Abby's light.
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