Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Job Training

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I ever needed to change professions. My training and education has prepared me to be a teacher, but I believe that I have other qualities and skills that would serve me well in other professions. Some of these skills I've come by naturally, but others I have learned  - with Abby's help. Here are some of the professions that I think I could apply for, and how Abby has prepared me for them.

  1. Hostage Negotiator: With Abby negotiation and compromise are key. I've learned to sympathize with her when she doesn't get her way, thereby helping her realize that I'm really on her side, and only looking out for her (wink, wink). I know how to offer choices that we both could be happy with, and more importantly, to frame the choice that I really want her to make sound like the best option. I've learned to listen for any change in her voice that might indicate a rise in stress, and to keep her calm when a tantrum is about to erupt. All of these skills would certainly help me when it came to conferring with terrorist - that and I think I have a pretty nice phone voice.
  2. Translator: The subtle nuances of language are, at times, difficult to perceive. Someone who works at translating needs to have a good ear for those delicate differences that could drastically change the meaning and tone of an important conversation. Abby has taught me to listen closely to each syllable and to constantly monitor the context of the spoken word in order to decipher what she is saying. I have become the foremost expert at Abbyese, a truly rare and complex language.
  3. Professional Wrestler: Living with a stubborn little one who is double-jointed just about everywhere, and extremely strong, has sharpened my wrestling prowess. Not only has Abby made me stronger, but she also has helped me hone my strategy. I have gotten pretty good at anticipating my "opponent's" next move and being ready to counter it. Abby also has such a flare for the dramatic I'm sure she could help me come up with some flashy "hook" and name that would make me a star in the ring.
  4. Spy: Due to the fact that when Abby hears certain words she latches on to them and won't let them go (example: pizza, ice cream, bacon, Play Doh, presents, etc.) I have learned to be very careful about what comes out of my mouth, and to speak in code when necessary, but this isn't what would make me a super spy. Why I would be an excellent spy is that when I was caught by the enemy (which I most certainly would be, since everything I'm thinking is so clearly written across my face) I could endure their torture without giving up a single secret - especially sleep depravation. See, in seven years I probably could count on one hand the number of nights I've had a full night's sleep. I've learned to sleep in three to four hour stretches, because that's about how long Abby sleeps - on a good night she only wakes up once during the night. I've learned that I can live life tired and still function - perfect for a spy, right?
I certainly hope that the world will never run out of the need for teachers, but if they do, it's good to know that I've got something to fall back on  - and all because of Abby!

In an effort to help her calm down for bedtime, tonight
we had "enforced quiet time" where we turned off the
TV and had some nice classical music playing. Abby
decided that she wanted to draw and then cut pictures.

"What, Mom? I'm being quiet!"

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