Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Frustrated

If I could sum up today with one word it would be: frustrated. Well, maybe not the whole day, after all Abby had a fun time at child care and I was able to met up with some of my knitting buddies. We had everything going for us, but it just wasn't to be. It seemed that when I told her to go one way, Abby wanted to go the other. When I told her not to do something, she went right ahead and did it anyway. I was frustrated with her, and she was frustrated with me.

Tonight we had night two of VBS. I have to hand it to her, she did have her charming moments, like when she handed out stickers to all the parents watching the game, or when she led one of the older girls in some sweet dance moves....but then there were the other times, like when she wanted move to the next activity before it was time to, or when I had to haul her inside, literally kicking and screaming, because she wouldn't leave the activity we'd just finished. I finally dragged her to the bathroom and we had a talk. I let her know that I was not happy that she wasn't listening, and she did apologize, but by the time we hit our last stop of the night she'd had enough of Mom hovering. She grabbed the hand of one of the youth that was helping out, pointed at me, and said, "No more Mama. Stay!"

At this point I figured that we both needed a bit of distance, so as she headed off to do her craft, I went to visit with some of my friends. The time did us both some good, because after about a half an hour she was ready to take my hand and head home. Unfortunately, the easy night did not get better. Once home getting out of the car was a battle, picking a snack was a fight, and getting her upstairs to go to bed - well that got a bit ugly. If it weren't for the half hour that we sat next to each other cutting (me, fabric, and Abby, paper), the night would have been a total loss.

Jason, who heard us loudly debating the "benefits" of bedtime, met us up in Abby's room and was all prepared to break the tension brewing between us and put Abby to bed, but surprisingly enough she would have none of that. When we put the question to her, she wanted Mama. That took me by surprise. It took me aback even further when she cuddled in and fell asleep. It was during that time, when she was sleeping softly, snuggled against my side that I had some time to reflect on our day, and what the problem was.

I came to the conclusion that while I was so busy getting wound up because she wasn't following my directions, that she wouldn't do what I wanted her to, she was probably just as frustrated with me that I wouldn't leave her alone. The poor kid couldn't go anywhere without Mom, the wet blanket, following close behind, making sure to point out all the things she shouldn't be doing - I'd be ticked off too.

My head knows that many times I don't give the kid enough space, but in my heart that is so difficult to do sometimes. It isn't control that drives me, but a desire to protect - from what, I'm not sure. I just know that there are times when it is so difficult for me to just let her be. I realized tonight that she is getting to the point though when she will tell me that she needs space, and that's good, but I'd like to get to the point when she doesn't need to do that.

Tomorrow I hope will be better. The plan is to stay home and make sure we have some down-time, I think we both need that.

The one and only picture of the day. Jason got Abby a couple
of new books and she was so excited she didn't want to leave them
at home when we went to VBS. Despite the fact you can't see her
face, you can still see how engrossed she is in reading - I love that!

2 comments:

  1. Ahhhhh, I could have written this post myself!!!!! Samantha and I have very similar battles whenever we're out and about, doing something different on the weekends than her normal weekday routine stuff. Getting her to stop something (like playing in the pool when they blow the whistle for a 10-minute break) is a HUGE drama, and definitely involves screaming. Ugh. And even when I sit her down and have a talk with her, and she agrees to listen, she still goes and does the same stuff again. Drives me nuts, but you're right - having a bit of distance, or at least a temporary distraction, does help immensely. Great post. Glad I'm not alone.

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    1. Boy, is it nice to know I'm not alone - although I wouldn't wish these battles on anyone! ;-) Thanks for the comment and letting me know that there are others out there. I find myself getting so mad, but then when I look in her eyes and she so sweetly says, "I'm sorry, Mama," I feel like the biggest heel! I just keep praying for a whole heap of patience! It's a good thing she is so stinkin' cute.

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